The Clothed Series #1
by biggreenblob
Summary: The cast of DA forgets that people prefer to see them half-naked


Disclaimer: If Dark Angel was really mine do you think I'd be here writing crappy fanfic parodies for you people? "Hey guys, let me test out next season's episodes on fanfiction.net." pfft. Of course, the way the season's going, who knows...  
  
A/N: I once wrote a review to omgiminheat, aka soccer to some of us, author of the Nekkid Series ([1]http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=97113), saying that "Maybe you should do like a clothed series or something...you know, like where being clothed is the weird and unusual thing to do...and everyone starts wearing clothes just to be different." Well soccer apparently thought very little of my idea and replied with "verde.. your like.. no fun. psh. clothed?? that'd be no fun." Well, in an attempt to prove her right I bring you The Clothed Series, even if it's...not really a series. So hey, if you're a girl you should read soccer's Nekkid Series, you'll probably find it much more....entertaining.  
  
"So Max," Logan said, leaning over from behind and wrapping his arms around her. "Me, Alec, Original Cindy, and Asha are about to play a uh...stimulating game of additional layers of clothing poker. What do you say? Care to join?"  
  
Uh, thanks, but no thanks," Max said, pushing his hands away.  
  
"Ah, come on Max," Alec said, walking into the room. "We want to see what you look like with some clothes on."  
  
Max rolled her eyes. "Sorry Alec, but I'm not that kind of girl."  
  
"Yeah I'm sure. So anyway, whoa..." Suddenly thousands of screaming girls rushed into the room and tackled Alec, piling on as many shirts and pairs of pants as they could.  
  
"He's mine!" they screamed. "No! I'm in love with him! He's mine!" "Alec, have my baby!" "Die wench! He's mine!" The bloody massacre that followed was unlike any mankind had ever seen or would ever see again and went down in the history books as Bloody Alec Day.  
  
Logan, depressed because random girls across the nation didn't love him anymore, curled up in a ball and cried himself to sleep. Alec laughed at him and called someone to clean up all the dead bodies.  
  
Wooooooooooooooooosh.  
  
"Oooooh, look," Logan said, waking up. "A corn field." Logan stood up and began to frolic amongst the corn stalks. "Weeeeeeeeeee!"  
  
Alec paused. "Okay, is it just me or does this story have no plot whatsoever? I mean, we were just at Logan's, right?"  
  
Max took her shirt off. "This is real life, Alec. There's not supposed to be a plot. Just one random event after another. That's what keeps life interesting."  
  
Meep meep.  
  
Alec's head shot up. "Benis?"  
  
"No," Max replied. "It's Zack." She nodded in Zack's direction as he made his way toward the group. "His face is...meeping."  
  
"Golly," Zack said with a farm boy grin spreading across his face. "Howdy all y'all random people Ah ain't never met before ever."  
  
Alec cocked his head and looked over at Max. "Well gee willickers Za...uh, Adam, It's great to see ya. Dontcha think so Max?"  
  
"Um, yeah it is. Great to see you Adam."  
  
Zack snorted and bounced a little, his pecs jiggling visibly under seven sweatshirts and a pair of overalls.  
  
"Hey so Max," Alec lowered his voice, leaning in closer. "Correct me if I'm wrong but Aberdairy & Fitch over there isn't supposed to know he's half robot, right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
He nodded. "So you do realize his eye is glowing red again."  
  
"Beggin' your pardon, y'all," Zack interjected, "but do I ha' sumpin' in mah teeth?" Zack brandished his perfect pearly whites, blinding them with the glare.  
  
Alec shielded his eyes. "Well I certainly can't see anything."  
  
"Hummmmm," Zack droned. "We' Ah reckon Ah'd better check `em out mahself." Zack pulled a pocket mirror out from one of his many layers of clothes, and Max's eyes shot wide open. With a sharp nudge and a jerk of her head she let Alec know that it was his job to make sure Zack didn't discover the terrible truth."  
  
Alec, thinking fast, kicked Zack square in the eye, causing it to transform into a regular looking eye, as if by magic. Ah, the marvels of post-apocalyptic science.  
  
Zack, being the hard, chiseled hulk of a man that he is, didn't even notice Alec's foot crashing into his face and proceeded to inspect his teeth. Now thoroughly convinced that his teeth were just as clean as ever, Zack let out a hardy yawp, slapped Original Cindy's bottom, and decided to take a nap by the roadside.  
  
"Well I don't know about any of you," Alec said, pulling a veil over his face, "but I'm feeling a bit frisky." After many failed attempts to impress Max with his overly clothed body, Alec decided that Asha would do just fine. Not wanting to waste any more time than was necessary, Alec whisked Asha away to Joshua's house, since it was closer than his own.  
  
When they got there they found Joshua strewn across the kitchen counter stark-butt-booty naked, as any truly modest dog-man would be. Alec tied him up out back, set out a bowl of water for him, and found a halfway decent bed for Asha and himself to share. With many a giggle and grope the two climbed completely under the blankets, leaving everything to the viewers' imaginations. The camera faded and the credits rolled, and teenage girls across the country, utterly disgusted and embittered, soon began to plot Asha's death, but that doesn't come until later. After all, she hasn't been declared Queen of the world yet.  
  
A parody of a parody. Golly, ain't it just the darned tootin'est thing?  
  
References  
  
1. http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=97113 


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